Bright Window

I became addicted looking through this bright window

I see good and evil, both pleasant and unpleasant, full of personality, full of dreams

My eyes locked to it for an entire day

Fingers walk like a professional tap dancer

Ears are enthusiastic like a monkey playing cymbals

I didn’t hear the room were screaming at me

I even forgot that I was in the room all the time

The room which begging for my warm embrace

Rain falls heavily, but the window keeps getting brighter and brighter

I looked through this bright window

My eyes burned by the light

Then I realized I need the shade

I looked through this window

“Oh.. I see”

 

 

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A thought

We (human) lives with (Abrahamic) religion as our philosophy of life.

The best morals indeed are in there

Thrives like a mushroom spreading it’s spore like a Krakatoa’s ash

Seeds of peace is being sprinkled all over the place

The law derives from, we live by it, we survive

but the soul will never be pure and flawless

Cause the brain reigns in our physical body claiming its sovereignty

 

Who even can resist when you’re brain told you to disgust abnormality?

 

 

 

 

My lover

Video Games

Playstation

Role-Playing Games

Martabak Manis

Indonesian-style anchovy

Any-style of squid

Swimming (New hobby)

Reading (A thing that I try to love but so hard)

Listening music (Pitchfork and Metacritic are my gurus)

Piano or cello (although my skill is below average)

Navy blue

Forest Green

Shopping (really?)

Internet

Internet

Movies

Cafe

Alone

Solitude

Daydreaming

Get depressed

Playstation

Playstation

Video Games

Video Games

Video Games

Understanding friends

Self-pity

Untitled

At first, I thought my ear was the culprit

And then, I guess it is my state of mind

 

 

 

I tried,

But I guess my neurons isn’t moving in the right direction

Perhaps my synapse busted? Or maybe it’s just the wind

Frankly speaking, my cognition seems more reliable back when I was kid

It felt cathartic

What happen?

 

I prefer to think that there is nothing happened with this body

but the more I think, the more I think more

Every present is robbed by thoughts

 

But it’s not the time that I’m thinking

It’s the pain in thinking about something

Something nonsense, too nonsense that you just can’t get it out

It pains you to the point that you felt guilty about yourself

It feels like the neurons just turned into balls of steel that pin-balling to-and-fro inside your very own skull smashing the inner wall

 

No last resort, it’s just a catch-22 that you have to let loose every single day

 

The Coward’s Perception of History

Long ago,

Far beyond the agricultural and cognitive revolution

Human or what scientist call Homo Sapiens-the intelligent being who survived the Homo species survival. Live in nomadic way, moving to-and-fro in community (small group of people). Simple as Chimps, Orangutans and Bonobos.

They don’t even know the concept of time. Hell to six o’clock in the morning

Their life is abundant with variety of diet, meats to berries. Every day different food. I ain’t gonna eat rice again

They take care of each other willingly.

Children follow Parents way.

But history does more for their brain. It developed into ingenious brain with many tricks.

Millenia came in a second and capitalist emerge creating their own imagined order. Science and Politics collaborate inventing the age of enlightenment. Industry is taking over the human mind.

Everything is market and can be sold. Individuality is always a concern. Individuality is a state concern, the world concern it. Romanticism Consumerism is a number one principal. A Cold War of Ideologies (Liberal, Communist and Conservative), competing whats better for human civilisation.

Seven billion people and still counting

Homo Sapiens is way too creative for their life.

Chaos or Order is an oblivious thinking or even a taboo in the modern day society.

 

The Struggle Blending-in in Social Occasions

I confidently call myself a pure introvert, but please note that an introvert does not mean necessarily I avoid many meetings with my friends and others. I do love meeting with people and have a nice conversation about life.

Same as an extrovert, sometimes I do like when those meetings include some partying and over-the-top stuffs. But being in those occasions and shifting myself into an extrovert will drain my energy a lot and of course in the end withdrawing from the crowd to gather myself again.

These are the things that I feel every time I do my social custom, it’s not that torturing shifting into an extrovert for a while. The problem is that I can’t do that for a long time like my extrovert friends do. The story goes like, I meet with friends enjoying some chit-chat, laughing, playing some games, laughing again, and then there’s the time I’ve had enough and exhausted which in turn will make myself extremely reserved. It’s what I do every single occasions I’ve had.

My best friends do not take this as a problem when I do this, they didn’t even notice about it (which is a good thing and what should’ve been), so I usually happy hanging out with them. Other than that it’s a different story. A country where having an extrovert trait is deeply regarded and does not aware the existence of different dimensions in human personality thinks that an introvert trait is not an ideal character for a person. Many of my friends think I’m weird for being a reserved person, which in the end getting labeled. It’s a struggle for me every time an appointment will come. The occasions made my looking glass self more profound.

A lot of choice in life, but do you have the guts to take the risk?

The inevitable part in a human life is deciding where it will go, do you enjoy the status quo that you’re living right now? Or you do have a plan but don’t know where to start and probably don’t want to take the risk.

The purpose is to get a better quality and meaning of life for yourself, everyone have their own meaning in life. One of the popular one is to contribute for others.

Besides meaning of life, people want to achieve high to get their needs, and in the end to get what Abraham Maslow calls “Self-Actualization”.

Trials and Tribulations is what we call the obstacle we face to achieve the needs. It is complex, multi-layered, multi-faceted, multi-dimension. Obstacles from technical, practical, political, social, cultural to spiritual. We sometimes scared to get out of our comfort zone and go through the norms. Misfit is not an option for the majority.

This attitude of “stay safe” in the status quo is what rooted inside of some of the new generations. Staying safe by conforming to the society made their anxieties and depression develop and let’s hope it will not go further to self-harm.

It takes most of your asset to take a huge risk, but time will pay what you have sacrificed